A Birth Story

Everything is still and quiet in our home this morning.  My mom and sister and nephew left yesterday and they took the loudest person in our home with them.  As they were about to leave I told them "I trust you guys more then anyone but please remember that you have the most precious person in the world to me." and I started to cry.  This is the first time I have let Lizzy stay somewhere without me where I wasn't within quick driving distance.  I am excited for her to make memories with her cousins like I did so long ago and also excited to get some much needed rest but I will miss her everyday!!!

I haven't really had time to sit down and write out Cindie's birth until now but I have had lots of time to think about it.  I have needed the time to think about it.  To sort out what it was and what it wasn't in my mind.  I have spent time crying about it and hope that eventually I will be able to be happy with the experience COMPLETELY

Let me first just say that I was able to have her naturally.  That seems to be everyone's first question.  I don't blame you or them...it would be mine too!! (Just a warning that true to myself this has all the small details I don't want to forget that no one else will care about)

On sunday October 21st Ron gave me a beautiful blessing.  I had been praying about whether or not I should have my membranes stripped and that night I knew that I would go ahead and give it a try. My midwife was leaving town for a week that following saturday and I had been having this feeling that I would be going early for a couple months so she had given me the option of doing this. I did not feel very confident that it would work and thought that if I did get my membranes stripped I would have a few days. (I was going off my sisters experience who got her membranes stripped and then didn't start having contractions for another day).

I went into my appointment on wednesday October 24 about one and Ron surprised me and met me at my midwife's office to be with me.  I was very nervous because I had heard it hurt.  I had no progress from the week before and was still at 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced so I wasn't feeling very hopeful. I left the office with a list of things I needed to get done before the baby came.  Most of which could wait but I really wanted a bath pillow and I hadn't picked up an outfit for Cindie to wear home from the hospital.  Silly I know!!  I had to go home though at that point because I was having a Halloween Activity Day party at the church. I don't remember when exactly but at some point in the few hours after my appointment I started feeling real contractions.  It made me excited!  By the time Ron left for meetings that evening at 6:30 I was having them pretty frequently and they were painful enough that Ron talked me into resting and not going out shopping.  I hadn't started timing the contractions but I put lizzy to bed at 7 and after talking to my sister and realizing that I had a few contractions while on the phone with her I decided to start timing them.  I climbed into the bath to see if I could get them to stop and while laying there I realized they were coming about 4-5 minutes apart.  They still were not painful enough that I thought I should be going to the hospital although both my sisters were trying to convince me to go get checked.  At this point I started texting Ron asking him about borrowing someone's camera.  The weekend before I started to freak out that we didn't have a charger for our video camera and so he had ordered one online but it still hadn't come yet.  At 8:23 I text him that I was timing contractions and was hoping I could get him to come home.  At 8:41 I text him and asked him if we should notify his mom so she could make a decision on when to come up.  (She was going to try to be here for the birth). Everything was starting to feel real.  Ron finally got home after nine from his meetings.  We were torn on what to do because I always have felt most of my strongest braxton hicks in the evenings and so we were not sure if this was just going to pass.  My contractions started coming on every 3-4 minutes and they were getting to the point where I had to concentrate on relaxing through them so we decided to call his sister to see if she could come get Lizzy and have her watch her overnight for us.  At that point I went into Lizzy's room and snuggled with her.  I can't really explain my feelings but for some reason I have felt sad for Lizzy in this whole process.  Sort of like she was being shafted.  It was after 11 by the time Sherrie left from getting Lizzy and it was raining outside. While Sherrie was at our house I had several strong contractions that I was embarrassed to have her see.  I tried to be discrete about them.

My contractions were getting closer together but they just were not strong enough and I told Ron I wanted to try laying down first to get some rest.  The night before I hadn't slept very well because I was feeling sick and was up a lot.  Shortly after I laid down my contractions started getting less frequent and not very consistent so I was able to fall asleep.  After about an hour and a half I woke up to a pretty strong contraction and couldn't get back to sleep.  I wanted Ron to be able to sleep as long as possible so I went out to our family room and turned on the TV hoping to get some distraction and fall back asleep.  My contractions were still not coming on very consistently and were not always very strong.  I fell asleep about 5 am and woke up about 6 when Ron came out of our room.  It made me laugh because the night before Ron set his alarm for work and had said "Just in case."  I told him at the time that it wasn't likely that we would be making it that long.  I told Ron what had been going on and that at this point I didn't want him to stay home from work.  I told him to shower and get ready for work and we would see what my contractions were doing before he left.  At some point my contractions had started coming on again more consistently but I didn't know if they were going to taper off.  They hurt badly enough that I told him I didn't want to be alone but I didn't want him to miss work if this wasn't going anywhere.  The day before my midwife had told me to come in at 9 a.m .and get my membranes stripped again if I hadn't started having contractions so we decided to go into her office to get checked because I didn't want to go up to the hospital yet.  Ron called his boss to let him know what was going on and that he might be coming in after 9 but that we could be having a baby that day.  I showered and got ready while he did some cleaning around the house and I packed our bags.  It took me quite a bit of time to do this because I had to keep stopping during contractions.

Ron packing the car

 Me right before we left for the hospital

 Finally we left about 8:40 and it was snowing.  I was actually pretty excited to think that our daughter could be born on the first snow day of the year.  We got to my midwife's office and had to wait for her for a good 30 minutes.  She poked her head in and asked if she was stripping my membranes again and I told her that I thought I might be in labor and wanted her to check me.  I was so relieved and excited when she told me I was 5cm dilated and fully effaced.  I asked her if it was normal to not feel babies movements as much when your contracting and she quickly did an ultrasound to hear the heartbeat and every was good.  We could also see her move I just wasn't noticing it.  I asked her if she thought I should go up to the hospital and she said that was up to me.  She called the hospital for me to see if the Natural Birthing Suit was open and told them to hold it for me so we decided to go ahead and go up there so I could get in the jacuzzi.  This is so silly but I still wish that we would have taken our time and gone and got her an outfit to go home in.  As we were leaving my midwife's office I had to stop in the hallway because I had a very strong contraction.

Ron at my midwife's office looking at a baby name book.  We still were not 100% sure on her name.

When we got to the hospital we walked in and took the elevator to the fourth floor.  We checked in at labor and delivery and they had me sit in a chair in the middle of the hallway while they finished up some stuff.  I wasn't very happy to be sitting their contracting out in the open.  After they got me in my room they went through the usual paperwork and I worked on filling it out.  I gave them my birth plan and told them that I didn't want a heplock.  The nurse who was there at the time (not my nurse) gave me the spill about how its more of a safety precaution and I told her that if there was an emergency I would be more then willing to let her give me an IV but I didn't want one now.  I was prepared to fight for that but she said that was fine.  When my nurse finally checked me at 11:10 I was at a 7.  I got all the paperwork filled out and decided I wanted to get in the tub.  I was amazed at how relaxing that was and how quickly it took the edge of my contractions.  I was able to talk to my sister on the phone.  Throughout my whole labor I was amazed at how I could laugh and smile in between contractions. I had told Ron that making me laugh was going to be very important to helping me relax and he kept me laughing through most of it.  Time seemed to not really have any effect on me. During contractions I used the breathing techniques and relaxation I learned in Hypnobirthing and it helped so much. I didn't feel like things were moving slowly although everyone around me was amazed at how I was stuck at 8 for hours.  At 11:54 I was checked again and at an 8.  At about noon Ron and his mom (who was still driving down to hopefully make it for the birth) started making predictions about what time I would have her.  Rons mom guessed 1:26 and Ron guessed 2:13. I looked at the clock and just knew it wasn't going to be that soon.  At 12:56 I was at an 8 still and was a little discouraged but felt like everything was still so manageable it wasn't that bad.

First getting into my hospital room

 Filling out paperwork

 Relaxing through a contraction

 Another contraction

 Ron took this picture of us two right after the contraction that I am having above

 Me relaxing in the tub talking to my sister

 Ron updating all our family

 Yet another contraction

Over the next couple hours I just continued to relax and really enjoyed the time I had with Ron.  We laughed and it was a really special time for us.  Unknowingly everyone else was worried as to why they hadn't heard any news and started to wonder if something had happened.  Sometime after two my midwife called and said she would be up at the hospital and wanted to know if I wanted her to break my water.  My nurse told me there was no pressure and I should do what I wanted.  I think I thought that being at an 8 for so long that she would just shoot out of me if I broke my water.  I told her she could do it. That was a big mistake and after getting my water broke that is when everything changed from being manageable to me feeling like I had no control over the situation.  At 3:05 my midwife came back in after checking on a few patients and checked me and I was at a nine.

 The next 40 minutes seem like a huge blur to me. I have no concept of time and I would be surprised if anyone in the room did.  I remember feeling crazy and that makes me really sad.  I wanted to be in control. I couldn't seem to get a grasp on the breathing techniques at this point. At some point in there my mother in law made it. I was relieved when she made it.  I really wanted her to be there because we knew we would be naming the baby after her. I wasn't feeling like I could push but my contractions were so painful.  My nurse and Ron were amazing! I knew I was never going to ask for an epidural but there were a few times that I yelled out that I couldn't do it.  My nurse would get right in my face and tell me that "I was doing it."  She encouraged me to breath the baby down which is hypnobirthing terms and I helped me so much.  I had to walk to the bathroom after every single contraction and I don't know if I was leaking amniotic fluid or if I was peeing but I was so embarrassed.  I tried all sorts of positions and nothing felt good.  They encouraged me to lay on my back at one point and I tried it and then told them no it hurt to much and got up.  I kept asking Ron to put as much pressure as possible on my hips and my midwife told me to get on the birthing ball because she was probably positioned weird and that is why I was having hip pain.  Because I kept walking back to the bathroom my midwife wanted to check to see if I was at a ten.  I started to cry and told her I just couldn't handle hearing I was at a 9 still.  I layed down on the bed and was still at a nine.  I then asked them what I could do to progress and feel the need to push.  She said get up and move around.  My mother in law encouraged me to face Ron and put my arms around his neck.  It felt so good to be close to him.  At this point I remember feeling disappointed with my midwife.  She was sitting back texting on her phone and I could tell that she was very worried about time.  She then told me she was going to head back to the clinic and that she was just ten minutes there and ten minutes back.  I think I started to panic.  It was a snowy day and I did not want to be in labor for even another 20 minutes.  I was facing Ron at that point and all of a sudden felt the strongest urge to push.  (this must have been a blessing from above). I bore down and screamed I am pushing.  I had planned on breathing the baby down which I learned in hypnobirthing and is better for the baby but also felt like if I had the urge to push I wouldn't stop my body.  I tried standing at the edge of the bed and my legs were shaking so bad from being so exhausted that I climbed on the bed on all fours to get some of the weight of my legs. That position hurt my hips too bad so I climbed up facing the back of the bed and hugged my pillows.  I did not want to scream but I did.  I wasn't screaming at the top of my lungs it was a very low toned yell but every time I felt the urge to push I could not hold it in.  In between each contractions I apologized to the roomful of people waiting for the baby to come out and told them I wanted to do this gracefully. They all laughed.  After a push or two they told me to reach down and feel her head.  At that point I knew that I could do it.  They then told me to flip over.  At first I told them no.  There was no way I was going to get my body over.  After them asking a second time I thought that it might get her out fast and I flipped my body over.  I pushed a couple more times and out she came.  They immediately put her on my stomach and I held her in disbelief.  I couldn't believe I had done it and I couldn't believe the immense amount of pain that I had gone through.  Ron kept telling me you did it and I kept telling him, "We did it." They waited for her umbilical cord to stop pulsing and let Ron cut the cord.  I couldn't believe how different she looked from Lizzy.  That was very apparent to me right away.  She was born at 3:43 in the afternoon and was 7 lbs 6 oz and 19 inches long.  Very close to what lizzy was and lizzy was born at 40 weeks.  She had rolls all over her body but lost quite a bit of weight and now is skinny.  Darnit!!

 I seriously loved me nurse!!

As I write this all down I am amazed that I did it.  I have been so disappointed in myself for not breathing the baby down and for yelling and being what I felt as out of control but I did it.  However I did it, I still did it!!! Everyone asked me right away if I would do it naturally again and I really struggled with this because it was so hard and honestly at first I didn't want to do it naturally again.  However I do feel like I had her naturally for a reason and I want to continue to have my babies naturally. I told my little sister who is about to have a baby to not feel bad if she has an epidural.  I am grateful for my first experience which was with an epidural and am grateful for this experience as well.  Birth to me is still one of the most amazing experiences that one can ever experience, pain or no pain.